想写好开发信的请对比这3封邮件(英文原版)

下面是我收到的一个老外写的关于如何写好邮件的文章
如果你想写好开发信,请对比下面3封邮件

Uhhh…hi.

Neville here.  The KopywritingKourse guy.

I’m not here to talk, I’m here to TEACH.  
So let’s begin (it’s preferable you read this email while DRUNK)!

————————————————————————–

If you suck at writing (and I’ll automatically presume you DO), this is probably your problem:

LET’S PRETEND YOU’RE A SALESPERSON….and you’re trying to get new clients by emailing them.  

You sit down to write a “nice introductory” email like this:

Good afternoon Mr. Moneybags,

I’d like to introduce myself.  My name is Jason McSuckywritington, and I work for Ajax Steel Tubing Company located in the heart of Wisconsin.  

We are a premier supplier of steel tubing that focuses on quality steel products and accessories.  We have a full line of steel tubing that is very comprehensive and customizable to fit your individual needs.  

Our company has been around since 1958 and was founded by Stan Steel and is now run by his son.  We are a family company and place high priority on our valued customers.

We hope to be a good fit for your company.  Please call me at your earliest convenience.  I would love to talk to you about Ajax Steel Tubing Company.

Sincerely,
Jason McSuckywritington


Email: jason@ajaxsteeltubingcompany.com
Phone number: 123-456-7890
Fax number: 123-456-7891

上面是大多数国内外贸业务员写的邮件

Wrong…. WRoong….   WWWWWRRRROOONNGG.错错错!

By now, Mr. Moneybags has already deleted this email, or has blown his brains out to avoid reading that boring crap.  

为什么客户要读你的邮件?

Why on EARTH would Mr. Moneybags read that email?  
Does HE get anything out of it?
Does HE benefit from the information inside?
Does HE know what to do next?

He DOES have to sit there and read your booorrring schpiel that EVERY OTHER STEEL COMPANY OUT THERE sends him 20 times a day.  

He DOES feel like contacting you back would result in more time-sucking bore-fest conversation.

DELETE BUTTON.
DELETE BUTTON.
DELETE BUTTON.

Awww….poor you.  

All that time spent trying to gain new clients just went down in flames.  

BUT YOU DESERVED IT.

How dare you send Mr. Moneybags such a boring email all about YOU.  

Mr. Moneybags doesn’t care about YOU.  He cares about HIMSELF.  He cares about his kids.  He cares about his wife (possibly).   He cares about making his boss happy.  He cares about doing business with people who won’t screw him over.  He cares about making lots of dollar$$$.  

Did your email help him with ANY of that?  

See where I’m going with this….?

You see my young, dumb friend….
People will buy from you if they trust you.  
People will buy from you if you’ve helped them a lot.
People will buy from you if they enjoy being associated with you.  
People will buy from you if you provide an all-around better service or product.

In one email it’s difficult to make someone trust you, like you AND show your product is better…

….so let’s focus on HELPING SOMEONE.  

What can we do to help Mr. Moneybags?

Well since we’re in a similar industry as he is, we should know a few ways to help him.  We can send him an email with something like:

I know you buy from Federated Steel.  Their tubing lasts only 5 years and costs nearly 1.5x the standard market price.  

I can save you 30% on your production costs before the quarterly numbers come out.  

Let me know if interested.
-Jason
-123-456-7890

上面这封邮件也只是一般般

Even this poorly-thought-out email offers Mr. Moneybags a BENEFIT of cheaper prices…AND the benefit of making him look good on his quarterly numbers.

Already this email will have a better chance of getting him to call you.

But what if we DON’T actually have cheaper prices?  What if our steel tubing DOESN’T last significantly longer?  Then maybe we could help him out with something like this:

Hey Mr. Moneybags…..

I have 4 ways to make your job overseeing the dredging process easier and save a ton of money for your company before the quarterly earnings:

Let me show you right now:

1.) There’s a new process of connecting steel tubing called the Bergernon Method of Welding.  Implement this with your production team.  Immediate savings of 20%.  Here is a PDF how to do it (attached).

2.) The biggest waste of man-hours for tubing installations is the dredging process.  You can save 30% a day on labor by using Geiger trucks instead of the industry-standard Minkker trucks.  I’ll even hook you up with the guy that does our dredging (he’s saves us about $75,000/day when we use him).  

3.) There’s a piece of software to manage the whole tubing process called “Steel Weld World” that speeds the whole process up and lets you keep closer track of your workers…..you should really check it out, our company saved $50,000/day during weld times.  

I’ve got a fourth way….but it’s too damn good to give away in an email (which I don’t even know got to you).  If you’re actually reading this, ring me up and I’ll tell it to you.  HINT: It’s a trick that allows our company to undercut our top competitor and STILL make profit.  

 

Call me this week:

Jason – 123-456-2910

Message box text

See what we did?  We gave him INFORRRMMATTIOOONN that will help HIM (notice the emphasis is on HIM….not “the company”).

Once we get Mr. Moneybags on the phone…we can have a nice little chat and become friends and then do business.

OK OK OK this is all cool, but what should YOU take out of this email…..THIS:

1.) Remember that people don’t care about YOU right away….they care about what you can DO for them.

2.) Whenever you contact someone….make sure you give them something they can USE (even if it’s one tiny thing to help them improve).

3.) Sit your big butt down and patiently wait for my next email (which is gonna have some goooooodd stuff about headlines and subject lines).

Peace,
-Neville Medhora

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